Loss..

Exactly one month ago today, my mother, Linda lost her battle with breast cancer. I still cant believe she is gone.

I never thought that my Mom would go before my father, and now that reality has smacked me in the face. I guess what makes it harder is that I watched her die. I saw her take her last breath, I was in the room when they disconnected the life support. (actually about 20 of us were there. I had expected it to be like in the movies, life support is disconnected and a little bald doctor with a clip board comes in and pronounces her. It didnt happen that way, I watched my mother literally fade away over the course of about 7 hours. I remember needing to get out of the room when the bald man with the clipboard never showed up. I remember busting out the double doors of the waiting are at Ross Heart, and I not being able to breath. I remember a waiting room full of people I didnt know, none of them had faces. I remember wanting to go into the bathroom and beat the wall. I remember an older lady, asking me If I had just gotten bad news, and she wanted to pray with me. I told her no thanks. I should have let her pray.

So a month later and every day is the same, I wake up, and my first thought is, "I can't believe she is gone." I "zombie" through the rest of my day, I cry a few tears in bed, I wake up and do it over again.

I keep replaying the last few months in my head. Her doctor found a lump, they did a biopsy and decided due to size it was stage 2. It had not gone to her lymph system. Her doctor recommended chemo and radiation. She sailed through chemo, and had just finished radiation, when exhaustion and a dry cough set in. Everyone told her that she was at the end of her treatments and it happens to everyone. The cough was explained away as a radiation beam probably hit you lung.

She was admitted to Galion Hopsital with a potassium level of 1.5. They told her that had to be a tainted reading, no ones is that low. They did no checks on her heart. They said she had pnueumonia, and they put her on anitbiotics. This started to send her liver readings all over the place, and after pumping her full of medicine and liquid, (she gained 40 lbs in the week she was there), they transfered her to James Cancer, because they didnt know what else to do with her. James continued to treat her for pneumonia, and about 4 days into her stay, they decided to do an heart funtion test. It was then discovered that her heart was only pumping at %10 and at that time she was transfered to Ross Heart. After about 2 weeks of testing they decided the best treatment would be to install what is called an LVAD into her heart, she was terminal, but people with the VAD go on to live normal, full lives. Sure, she would have an electrical cord coming out of her belly, and would need to be plugged into either the wall or a battery pack at all times, but she would be alive.

She came through the surgery ok, and was on the mend. I visted with her on a saturday evening. She talked, and talked. She was so happy to see us. We brought her new slippers. She had me give her a manicure, and we filled those little throw up pans they give you in the emergency room with warm soapy water so she could soak. We stayed about 3 hours, talking and laughing. The next day we had planned a little birthday celebration for My brother and I. She felt bad that we both had a birthday in April, and she was sick. The next morning my Dad called and said my Mom was really tired and we should let her rest, so we would postponed that get together to the following weekend. She had a massive stroke that night, and never regained came back to us. So, instead of a birthday celebration our family met in a funeral home and celebrated her life instead.

I miss you more than you could possibly know, Mom. I know that I will get through this!

Save me a seat!

Nichole

Bangladesh & the Butt Cheek...

We all know someone or, have at least crossed paths with a "one-upper." No matter what has happened to you, something to an extreme magnitude has happened to them.

It usually happened last night. You may have had a flat tire on your way home from work last week, but last night a rabid owl, forced them off the road into a field of rose bushes, which pierced all 4 of their tires, and their spare, and now they have rosebush fever and may possibly lose their 3rd toe on their right foot, because of it.

I literally know a person that no matter what, there's is always worse than yours. And it's not just that you had a flat and they had two. It's so extreme, this person literally makes no sense.

Should I feel sorry for them, or be annoyed because they think that I am literally that dumb, as to believe them? Is something medically wrong with them, that causes them to be like that? Isn't there a pill will bring them back to reality?

Forever...

I could start by saying it has been forever since Ive last had anything to share. Im not so sure what I have to share now is that important, but my fingers are itchy, so I figured Id stop by.

Here is just a quick rundown of me. I think one day I'll look back, and see what a dork I was, and laugh at all I felt needed sharing with random people.

A few things you should know about me:
I strive for balance.

I have an intense intellectual side and a juvenile sense of humor. I have more useless knowledge than most.

Im good at lots of things and bad at even more.
I think sarcasm is an art form.
I think unreasonable rules don't apply to me.
I always think that people I know all know each other.
I see order in chaos.
I know the address of nearly every house Ive lived in since birth, but I rarely know where my keys and cell phone are.
I can find anything with a GPS, but I cant find anywhere Ive ever been without it. I dont like grape.
I make up words.
I have a southern accent when Im sleppy.
I laugh at inappropriate times.
I don't go to church, but I pray everyday.
I am easily distracted, but I can read a good book cover to cover in 1 day.
Im a joiner, if you laugh, cry, yawn or vomit in front of me, Im going to join in. My bra and panties rarely match, my shoes however, always match.
I am intuative.
I support gay marriage.
I can be stubborn.
I collect tea.

Soy Milk

I use this blog mostly to let friends and family know whats going on with me. So, I thought Id share a discussion I had with my son today.

Me: Here try this new milk.

Chris: Ok, what kind is it?

Me: Its called SILK, its vanilla soy milk.

Chris: Ok, it tastes like melted vanilla tootsie rolls.

Me: Its good, huh? Its made from soy beans.

Chris: (looking deeply troubled) How do you milk a bean?

Gosh, I love kids, and the funny stuff they say!

Reincarnation and the Pickle

Ive never been one to wonder what I was in a past life. I'm more of a look to the future sort of gal. I'm not even sure if I believe in reincarnation, but if plastic, paper, and glass are recylcable, Id be silly to assume that the human spirit isn't as well.

Please don't email me with question on religion, for I really don't have any answers, I just know if I'm able to choose what Id like to be if I return to this earth, I wont choose king, queen, celebrity, or lottery winner. Id choose a pickle.

I'm not talking your garden variety cucumber, I'm talking about a real freakin' pickle. I want to be grown in India, harvested, sent down a pickle flume, and into a jar of delicious sweet gherkins. Then I stop to think about the life of a pickle, and I see how many different challenges they are faced with. So many things standing in the way between seed and packaging.

There is the dud seed.
Chances of drought
Flood
Poor Crop
Bugs
Being picked by a hungry human picker

There are literally dozens of scenarios that come to mind here. As I sit here and waste the energy to compose this nonsense, I wonder if my daily stresses have finally gotten the better of me, of if I just really, really, want to ride in a pickle flume.

Maybe Ill hit Schlitterbahn in the next decade or so, and see if maybe this whole pickle thing can be laid to rest there!

10 food stuffs I cant live without...

10. Country Bob's All Purpose Sauce (what is better than everything sauce?)
9. Kona Deep Bottled Water (Who doesnt love 3.00 bottled water?)
8. Havana Cola's Mojito Soda (All the taste, none of the tipsy-ness)
7. Pim's (Pims are delicious chocolate cookies with jams inside)
6. Bergenost (semi-soft cheese with a mild,flavor and a subtle hint of sourness)
5. Room temperature Pepsi, to wash down day old pizza with
4. Watermelon Anything
3. Cinnamon Icecream drizzled with honey
2. Dried Cherries
1. Yogurt (anything with yogurt is better, and now its in everything, YEAH!)

From Flab to Fab... WTF?!?

I know we all surf the net, and if you are like me, pay little attention to advertisement banners. Usually what happens to me is, I click away from a page the second something catches my eye, and hit the back button, only to find that the ad I was interested in has been replaced by a dancing alien that doles out auto insurance quotes.

Here is a banner I came across last night, while doing my best to be unproductive.



Apparently the woman on the left lost 12 lbs of melanin. Not only does she sport a "trimmer" waist line, she apparently changed races.