I use this blog mostly to let friends and family know whats going on with me. So, I thought Id share a discussion I had with my son today.
Me: Here try this new milk.
Chris: Ok, what kind is it?
Me: Its called SILK, its vanilla soy milk.
Chris: Ok, it tastes like melted vanilla tootsie rolls.
Me: Its good, huh? Its made from soy beans.
Chris: (looking deeply troubled) How do you milk a bean?
Gosh, I love kids, and the funny stuff they say!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Reincarnation and the Pickle
Ive never been one to wonder what I was in a past life. I'm more of a look to the future sort of gal. I'm not even sure if I believe in reincarnation, but if plastic, paper, and glass are recylcable, Id be silly to assume that the human spirit isn't as well.
Please don't email me with question on religion, for I really don't have any answers, I just know if I'm able to choose what Id like to be if I return to this earth, I wont choose king, queen, celebrity, or lottery winner. Id choose a pickle.
I'm not talking your garden variety cucumber, I'm talking about a real freakin' pickle. I want to be grown in India, harvested, sent down a pickle flume, and into a jar of delicious sweet gherkins. Then I stop to think about the life of a pickle, and I see how many different challenges they are faced with. So many things standing in the way between seed and packaging.
There is the dud seed.
Chances of drought
Flood
Poor Crop
Bugs
Being picked by a hungry human picker
There are literally dozens of scenarios that come to mind here. As I sit here and waste the energy to compose this nonsense, I wonder if my daily stresses have finally gotten the better of me, of if I just really, really, want to ride in a pickle flume.
Maybe Ill hit Schlitterbahn in the next decade or so, and see if maybe this whole pickle thing can be laid to rest there!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
10 food stuffs I cant live without...
10. Country Bob's All Purpose Sauce (what is better than everything sauce?)
9. Kona Deep Bottled Water (Who doesnt love 3.00 bottled water?)
8. Havana Cola's Mojito Soda (All the taste, none of the tipsy-ness)
7. Pim's (Pims are delicious chocolate cookies with jams inside)
6. Bergenost (semi-soft cheese with a mild,flavor and a subtle hint of sourness)
5. Room temperature Pepsi, to wash down day old pizza with
4. Watermelon Anything
3. Cinnamon Icecream drizzled with honey
2. Dried Cherries
1. Yogurt (anything with yogurt is better, and now its in everything, YEAH!)
9. Kona Deep Bottled Water (Who doesnt love 3.00 bottled water?)
8. Havana Cola's Mojito Soda (All the taste, none of the tipsy-ness)
7. Pim's (Pims are delicious chocolate cookies with jams inside)
6. Bergenost (semi-soft cheese with a mild,flavor and a subtle hint of sourness)
5. Room temperature Pepsi, to wash down day old pizza with
4. Watermelon Anything
3. Cinnamon Icecream drizzled with honey
2. Dried Cherries
1. Yogurt (anything with yogurt is better, and now its in everything, YEAH!)
Thursday, November 13, 2008
From Flab to Fab... WTF?!?
I know we all surf the net, and if you are like me, pay little attention to advertisement banners. Usually what happens to me is, I click away from a page the second something catches my eye, and hit the back button, only to find that the ad I was interested in has been replaced by a dancing alien that doles out auto insurance quotes.
Here is a banner I came across last night, while doing my best to be unproductive.
Apparently the woman on the left lost 12 lbs of melanin. Not only does she sport a "trimmer" waist line, she apparently changed races.
Here is a banner I came across last night, while doing my best to be unproductive.
Apparently the woman on the left lost 12 lbs of melanin. Not only does she sport a "trimmer" waist line, she apparently changed races.
Friday, October 31, 2008
How to Get Away With Murder.
Murder is wrong. Murder is bad. Don't Murder!
However, if you don't take my advice, and you must take someones life, here are some simple things you should avoid.
10. Don't take your hair brush to the murder and leave it there.
9. Dont buy Duct Tape, Tarp, Rope, and an Area Rug alone on one receipt and pay with your Visa Card.
8. Should you not be able to overcome your desire for convenience and one stop shopping, PAY CASH.
7. Throw away the damn receipt. Don't leave it on your kitchen table when the cops come aknockin.
6. Dont use your garbage bags. They can patern match that stuff, you idiot! Buy a new box of Heftys, throw leftovers away. Not at your house.
5. Dont bury your spouse in your basement, throw the jackhammered old basement floor on your friends property, and claim you were framed.
4. Don't bury or leave someones remains on property that belongs to you. Especially if said victim is a relative.
3. Dont put wierd orange carpet in your house that was only sold to you and one other tasteless person on the entire planet. Should you not be able to resist orange carpet, take a lint brush to your victim, before leaving them to decompose.
2. Wear gloves. Dispose of gloves. Don't leave one behind, or reuse them for yard work.
1. And the NUMBER 1, dont do it is: Dont wear the same Nike's you murdered someone in to your police interview. Cops notice this sort of thing. Should that be your only pair of shoes, be advised, you will either leave the cop shop shoeless, if you leave at all.
Ill leave you with one random thought. Why dont murderers wear Addidas, or Pumas? Why is Nike the shoe of choice?
However, if you don't take my advice, and you must take someones life, here are some simple things you should avoid.
10. Don't take your hair brush to the murder and leave it there.
9. Dont buy Duct Tape, Tarp, Rope, and an Area Rug alone on one receipt and pay with your Visa Card.
8. Should you not be able to overcome your desire for convenience and one stop shopping, PAY CASH.
7. Throw away the damn receipt. Don't leave it on your kitchen table when the cops come aknockin.
6. Dont use your garbage bags. They can patern match that stuff, you idiot! Buy a new box of Heftys, throw leftovers away. Not at your house.
5. Dont bury your spouse in your basement, throw the jackhammered old basement floor on your friends property, and claim you were framed.
4. Don't bury or leave someones remains on property that belongs to you. Especially if said victim is a relative.
3. Dont put wierd orange carpet in your house that was only sold to you and one other tasteless person on the entire planet. Should you not be able to resist orange carpet, take a lint brush to your victim, before leaving them to decompose.
2. Wear gloves. Dispose of gloves. Don't leave one behind, or reuse them for yard work.
1. And the NUMBER 1, dont do it is: Dont wear the same Nike's you murdered someone in to your police interview. Cops notice this sort of thing. Should that be your only pair of shoes, be advised, you will either leave the cop shop shoeless, if you leave at all.
Ill leave you with one random thought. Why dont murderers wear Addidas, or Pumas? Why is Nike the shoe of choice?
True Crime
Ive found myself recently consumed by true crime shows. Cold case files, The New Detectives, and the such. This has been a sort of on again / off again love affair with me. So, its wormed its way back into my affections enough to be included in my blog.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Things that make me angry
1: Hamburger Helper: They are absolutely terrible. What exactly do they help?
2: Wine Descriptions: No wine ever tastes like it sounds. If it did, it would say, Rotten fruit, with hints of rubbing alcohol, and hamster bedding.
3: People who stop to have conversations in the entrance/exit to a place you are trying to enter or exit.
4: Cashiers who harass you to open a charge card and save 10%.
5: Candy apples that are only pretending to be candy apples. They are actually caramel apples who have dyed their caramel red in an attempt to fool you.
6: People who stand behind you and curse loudly when there are kids around.
7: Running late, and its not my fault.
9: When the shampoo pumpy gets clogged and shoots shampoo at the wall when you push it down.
10. Shampoo stuck on the wall.
11. When you do your laundry at a laundry mat and come home with underwear you dont recognize.
12. People who make weird noises in the bathroom.
13. When neighbor kids knock at your door, but you dont answer because your kid isnt home, and they proceed to knock on windows, other doors, and eventually revert to sceaming through your air conditioner.
14. Looking for things that Ive lost.
2: Wine Descriptions: No wine ever tastes like it sounds. If it did, it would say, Rotten fruit, with hints of rubbing alcohol, and hamster bedding.
3: People who stop to have conversations in the entrance/exit to a place you are trying to enter or exit.
4: Cashiers who harass you to open a charge card and save 10%.
5: Candy apples that are only pretending to be candy apples. They are actually caramel apples who have dyed their caramel red in an attempt to fool you.
6: People who stand behind you and curse loudly when there are kids around.
7: Running late, and its not my fault.
9: When the shampoo pumpy gets clogged and shoots shampoo at the wall when you push it down.
10. Shampoo stuck on the wall.
11. When you do your laundry at a laundry mat and come home with underwear you dont recognize.
12. People who make weird noises in the bathroom.
13. When neighbor kids knock at your door, but you dont answer because your kid isnt home, and they proceed to knock on windows, other doors, and eventually revert to sceaming through your air conditioner.
14. Looking for things that Ive lost.
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