WTF!!!!

So, a few months ago, I get a call at work. My ex-husband has some news to share with me. Honestly had it not been for my son, I would have washed my hands of this person long ago. The meaning of DIVORCE!

So, he calls to tell me that his is changing his name. "Ok, so you have to register as a sex offender for the next 20 years, I can see why you would want to do that,"I think. Then he tells me he is changing it to: SARA ELISE. "Ok, so you have always liked the name Sara, and yeah, its odd, but whatever." Then he starts to blurt out things that have my mind going all over the place.

Here are a few lines from his mouth, and my accompanying thoughts:

Greg: Im getting boobs in May 09. What size are yours again? Im going to be a 52 DDD.
Nichole: OMG your going to look like a barrel with boobies!

Greg: Im not gay. Society will see as a lesbian.
Nichole: No, society will see you as a man in a dress. And Im guessing you wanted to sleep with the lesbians you live with, and they only sleep with women, and you said, Ill do anything!

Greg: Im starting to look exactly like my mom. Im serious, you soon wont be able to tell us apart.
Nichole: I can see that, she is 5'1 125 lbs, you are 5'10 325+ lbs, yeah, I can see how I might be confused.

Greg: Im not sure Im if Im going to get the family jewels turned inside out or not. Its so expensive in the states.
Nichole: I hear you can go to Trinidad, and trade in your schmekel for a VALUE VAGINA for less than 50% of what they charge in the states.

Greg: I know you saw this coming. I always had feminine qualities, you must have noticed.
Nichole: Uh, no. I cant think of one feminine thing you ever did or said. Ok, Ok, the one time you asked me if I ever had sex to music, and I said no. You said you had made love to Barry White, I wondered if you meant actually him personally, or he serenaded you and someone else.

Greg: I no longer want our son to call me Daddy. Since now he will have 2 mommys, Id like him to call me Maddy. Its a combination of the two, Catchy, huh?
Nichole: You have to be fucking kidding me. Im sure our 9 year old will be more than thrilled by this whole midlife crisis your going through.

To show you how thrilled he would be, let me detail you a conversation my son and I had the other day.

SON: I know daddy is being weird, but I was wondering something. If my Dad died today, would you cry?

Nichole: Gee son, I doubt it. Would you cry if he died today?

SON: It depends on what he is wearing.

All I can think of his how FUN parenting is going to be for the next 11 or so years! YEAH!