I'm pretty sure spiders are trying to kill me. Ive never been terribly afraid of the 8 legged hairy beasts, but them causing my brushes with death is getting old.
Three days ago I killed a spider. Normally i would pick it up on a piece of paper and toss it outside. Not because I care about smashing a bug, simply because I have an intense fear of other bugs seeing me do it. The little bastard bug spies will turn me in, and pretty soon my picture will be posted on every lamp post in bug town. They will have town meetings and send a lynch mob.
Anyway, back to the unfortunate event 3 days ago. I had a bug on my desk, I'm no where near an exit at work,and I had on flip flops. Why are flip flops important to this story? Well, I could have just swatted the damn thing off my desk, but chances are it would have returned, probably with loved ones, and crawled over my foot and up my leg, just for spite. So, I friggin killed it, smashed it little body with a Lysol wipe. So, not only did it feel pain when I smooshed it, it probably burned too.
What really sucks for me, is obviously another spider saw me and reported me. Last night two spiders tried to do me in. Not only did they try to kill me, they tried to make it look like an accident.
Attempt #1 on my life. I'm going 70 mph down I71 between two semi trucks no less, and a spider crawls across my windshield. Of course the only thing in reach is my beloved over priced Coach wallet, but I had to do something, so I tried to kill it. It moved, I moved, the one semi moved. Luckily that turned out decent.
Attempt #2 I was on the exit ramp, and spider number 2 descended on a web right in front of my face, I literally had no where to go. So I stomped the brake, stalled the engine, set the e brake and exited the vehicle. Not at all smooth like. I ended up tossing my phone towards the ground, cover went one way, battery went another, and somehow the phone part ended back in the truck. Did I mention it's dark out, I'm stopped dead on the exit ramp, laying half under my truck retrieving phone pieces?
So, I didn't die. But when I regained my composure, checked the truck for spiders I was appalled to see two little spiders sitting on my dashboard watching the whole scene unfold. They may have been sharing a kernel of popcorn. I smashed them both flat with my wallet.
Now I'm left wondering who witnessed that, and what the bug community has in store for me next.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
FUCKET LIST
When I was 5, I was obsessed with Micheal Jackson. I told everyone I was going to marry him. After that came John Cougar Mellencamp, followed by Lucky. And in case you are wondering, Lucky's full name is Lucky C. Leprechaun. The adorable spokesperson for Lucky Charms cereal. If you find this odd, I dont. I know a person who as a kid would have banged the hell out of Swiss Miss if ever given the opportunity. But, I digress.
After having given it some thought over the last 25 or so years, I have realized that I really dont want to confess my undying love for these people in front of God and everyone. I really just want to take them to bed. Thus welcome to my FUCKET LIST.
1. Adam Levine
2. Adam Garcia
3. My buddy Chris
4. Louis CK
5. Eminem
6. Kirk Cameron
7. Harrison Ford
8. Morgan Freeman
9. Denzel Washington
10. Jani Lane (Warrant)
11. Brett Micheals
12. Mike Wolfe (American Pickers)
13. Robert Klein
14. Javier Bardem
After having given it some thought over the last 25 or so years, I have realized that I really dont want to confess my undying love for these people in front of God and everyone. I really just want to take them to bed. Thus welcome to my FUCKET LIST.
1. Adam Levine
2. Adam Garcia
3. My buddy Chris
4. Louis CK
5. Eminem
6. Kirk Cameron
7. Harrison Ford
8. Morgan Freeman
9. Denzel Washington
10. Jani Lane (Warrant)
11. Brett Micheals
12. Mike Wolfe (American Pickers)
13. Robert Klein
14. Javier Bardem
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Dick Cereal
Today I came across a very phallic cereal, and decided last minute that my son, may not appreciate Crotch Krispies for breakfast.
Why can't I just be sick...
Im sick! I hate being sick! Im not talking a 24 hour throw up sick, where I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Im talking stuffy head, sneezing, runny nose, yucky, icky sick!
Apparently everyone in my town is also sick. I know this because decent cold medicine and cough drops are super scarce! (As were the good kleenex)
When Im sick, I dont want to mess with the public at all, if they had a delivery OTC medicine place in my city, I would use them. My beef with being sick in public is partly because I dont want to make other people as miserable as I am, and partly because my tolerance for stupid people is at an all time low when Im sick. Oh, and things that normally just annoy me, totally gross me out.
Tonight at the store, I saw a pudgy woman with shorts so short, I am about 90 percent sure I could see her ovaries, this is not ok. This is not even ok if you are skinny! This may have made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.
But, I digress! Medicine...where was I? Oh so, apparently if you have a cold, the pharmacy automatically thinks you are faking! Yes lady, I cant breathe, one nostril is stuffed up, the other running off my face, I cant breathe, or hear, and I just want to stab myself in the forehead with a fork. Don't get it twisted though, I dont have a head cold, or even a nasty sinus infection. I just put on my sick suit, so that you wouldnt suspect me of making meth in my basement.
Im home now, after presenting my license and having my background checked in the surrounding counties, I was able to pinky promise by signing an "I promise not to make meth agreement." For all my trouble I was allowed to purchase a box of Aleve Cold and Sinus from the pharmacy.
Oh and a quick note to anyone who might be reading: If you wish to purchase Cepacol throat lozenges, its quicker if you dont self check. Apparently these are a "restricted item." This means, that you have to wait for the cashier to come over and grant you permission to have and treat a sore throat.
Apparently everyone in my town is also sick. I know this because decent cold medicine and cough drops are super scarce! (As were the good kleenex)
When Im sick, I dont want to mess with the public at all, if they had a delivery OTC medicine place in my city, I would use them. My beef with being sick in public is partly because I dont want to make other people as miserable as I am, and partly because my tolerance for stupid people is at an all time low when Im sick. Oh, and things that normally just annoy me, totally gross me out.
Tonight at the store, I saw a pudgy woman with shorts so short, I am about 90 percent sure I could see her ovaries, this is not ok. This is not even ok if you are skinny! This may have made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.
But, I digress! Medicine...where was I? Oh so, apparently if you have a cold, the pharmacy automatically thinks you are faking! Yes lady, I cant breathe, one nostril is stuffed up, the other running off my face, I cant breathe, or hear, and I just want to stab myself in the forehead with a fork. Don't get it twisted though, I dont have a head cold, or even a nasty sinus infection. I just put on my sick suit, so that you wouldnt suspect me of making meth in my basement.
Im home now, after presenting my license and having my background checked in the surrounding counties, I was able to pinky promise by signing an "I promise not to make meth agreement." For all my trouble I was allowed to purchase a box of Aleve Cold and Sinus from the pharmacy.
Oh and a quick note to anyone who might be reading: If you wish to purchase Cepacol throat lozenges, its quicker if you dont self check. Apparently these are a "restricted item." This means, that you have to wait for the cashier to come over and grant you permission to have and treat a sore throat.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Touching the ground...
I was born in Dayton, Tennessee. I lived in Dayton from the time I was 7 until I was 13. After that, we moved to Rossville, Georgia.
Today my son and I leave for home. I'm going back to lay some old memories to rest and make some new ones.
I feel a need to go back and touch the ground, to remember where I came from and how life used to be.
I feel this is an ending of an era and the turning of a page for me.
I am hoping that by doing this, I will be able to have some closure and a little peace. I'm not asking for much, just a little acceptance and the ability to get back in the swing of things.
I want Christopher to see what made me who I am. I want him to swim in the river, eat the wild black berries, and smell Tennessee in the morning. I want him to stand by the mountains and feel God all around him. I want him to hike in the caves and experience everything I did as a kid.
Today my son and I leave for home. I'm going back to lay some old memories to rest and make some new ones.
I feel a need to go back and touch the ground, to remember where I came from and how life used to be.
I feel this is an ending of an era and the turning of a page for me.
I am hoping that by doing this, I will be able to have some closure and a little peace. I'm not asking for much, just a little acceptance and the ability to get back in the swing of things.
I want Christopher to see what made me who I am. I want him to swim in the river, eat the wild black berries, and smell Tennessee in the morning. I want him to stand by the mountains and feel God all around him. I want him to hike in the caves and experience everything I did as a kid.
Loss Part 2
After having laid my Mother to rest in April, I find myself yet in an ocean of grief surrounded by people who just cant understand that this is one of the hardest things I have ever had to face.
My father, Dalton, left us on July 16, 2010. Dad was an alcoholic, and after we lost Mom, he never found himself. I guess we were all lost, but he found refuge in a bottle. I found my peace with my Son, friends and others in my life who made sure I ate, attempted sleep, and tried to get back to normalcy as quickly as possible.
I can't say that losing my father was any easier than saying goodbye to my Mother. I held his had the last 20 minutes or so of his life. I was there when he took his last labored breath and fell quiet.
My cousin Tiffany was on her way to the hospital, and I had Mike call her and tell her not to come it was too late. She continued anyway, and I know she did this for me. When I heard that she was on her way still, I did wierd things. I straightened Dad's sheets, I closed his eyes, and even attempted to close his mouth. For some reason I was trying to protect her from any unpleasantness.
I felt stronger this time then I did with my Mom, but maybe it was because I had to be. My father wasnt even cold yet, and already the fighting had begun. I received anonymous text messages, demanding to know where I was when my Father drank himself to death. I was getting forwarded messages from my Brother, from family in Tennessee. They were demanding that we get right to work on cleaning out Dad's house then threatening to have the police called if we did. All of the sudden people were asking for this or that. My parents were more than stuff to me. I removed the pictures and home movies from thier home. The rest of the things there, are just that.....things. I guess if people who have approached me with things like, "Hey, I loved your father, and I would really like something to remind me of him." Or, hey last year I bought your father a new reel and we went fishing together, if you don't have any plans for it, Id like it as a keepsake." But instead, I was hit with, "Hey, since your Dad wont be using his Air Conditioner, do you think I could have it?" Sentences that started with "The only thing I really want is....." made me furious. (If it was something my father had in his possesssion and was borrowing, this is different, by all means, take whatever is yours.)
I think most of my family can fall under one word, INSENSITIVE. I just lost both my parents in 3 months time, they left no wills, no nothing. I have 2 estates to settle a mountain of medical and back tax bills, and I dont even know where to begin. But I have people on my ass already, demanding to know what I am going to do. I would advise sitting quietly and letting me handle mine. Keep the threats and the demands to yourself, or I will be more than happy to drag this out in probate as long as possible.
My father, Dalton, left us on July 16, 2010. Dad was an alcoholic, and after we lost Mom, he never found himself. I guess we were all lost, but he found refuge in a bottle. I found my peace with my Son, friends and others in my life who made sure I ate, attempted sleep, and tried to get back to normalcy as quickly as possible.
I can't say that losing my father was any easier than saying goodbye to my Mother. I held his had the last 20 minutes or so of his life. I was there when he took his last labored breath and fell quiet.
My cousin Tiffany was on her way to the hospital, and I had Mike call her and tell her not to come it was too late. She continued anyway, and I know she did this for me. When I heard that she was on her way still, I did wierd things. I straightened Dad's sheets, I closed his eyes, and even attempted to close his mouth. For some reason I was trying to protect her from any unpleasantness.
I felt stronger this time then I did with my Mom, but maybe it was because I had to be. My father wasnt even cold yet, and already the fighting had begun. I received anonymous text messages, demanding to know where I was when my Father drank himself to death. I was getting forwarded messages from my Brother, from family in Tennessee. They were demanding that we get right to work on cleaning out Dad's house then threatening to have the police called if we did. All of the sudden people were asking for this or that. My parents were more than stuff to me. I removed the pictures and home movies from thier home. The rest of the things there, are just that.....things. I guess if people who have approached me with things like, "Hey, I loved your father, and I would really like something to remind me of him." Or, hey last year I bought your father a new reel and we went fishing together, if you don't have any plans for it, Id like it as a keepsake." But instead, I was hit with, "Hey, since your Dad wont be using his Air Conditioner, do you think I could have it?" Sentences that started with "The only thing I really want is....." made me furious. (If it was something my father had in his possesssion and was borrowing, this is different, by all means, take whatever is yours.)
I think most of my family can fall under one word, INSENSITIVE. I just lost both my parents in 3 months time, they left no wills, no nothing. I have 2 estates to settle a mountain of medical and back tax bills, and I dont even know where to begin. But I have people on my ass already, demanding to know what I am going to do. I would advise sitting quietly and letting me handle mine. Keep the threats and the demands to yourself, or I will be more than happy to drag this out in probate as long as possible.
Friday, June 25, 2010
I am 100 percent certain he is off his effin rocker!
Recently Greg has been harassing me to hear his side of the story. Greg likes to talk about himself, and if he thinks he can get attention, sympathy or whatever, he wont give in until you listen.
Time is precious to me, but what the hell! I let him call me last night and spill his guts.
To bring you up to speed, Greg got locked up for trying to get romanitcally involved with an undercover cop posing as a minor. He met this cop in a chat room called, "Older men for pre-teens". I wont even comment here, but really WTF?!?
So, last night I kept my mouth shut and my ears open, by frantically writing down his every word, so below is his statements, and my thoughts on each.
*My mom never loved my Dad, she stayed with him for my sake as a kid.
Uhm, why didnt she leave him after you were grown, instead of staying with him for 43 years of marriage?
*My Dad was wonderful in the public's eye, but he didnt know how to be a Dad or Husband.
No thoughts here.
In kindergarden, I know I was a girl, because I wanted patent leather Mary Janes really bad.
No thoughts here.
When I was 8 and in therapy, I stood up during a session with Dr. McQ and my Dad, and blurted out. "Im really a girl!" The doctor said, "Let's deal with that later." My Dad said, "No son of mine is going to be a girl," and he left the room.
This scenario doesnt make sense, even a little.
When I got locked up I had alot of time to think, so I decided that it was time to come out and let the world know Im a girl.
When you got locked up I could tell the only thing you were thinking about was how to make your mother and I believe you were framed.
When I went to my court ordered therapy, I asked to speak with my therapist after a session, he took me out in the hall to hear what I had to say. I told him I was supposed to be a girl. The therapist got a cheshire cat grin on his face, and said "It's about time." I knew from the first session you were supposed to be a girl." You are finally on the road to recovery!
I can guarantee that never went down. That is fucking insane, and thats all I have to say about that.
Because I am no longer a man, I dont have to be the breadwinner.
Ok, you do however have to pay child support. And since your ass is single, you may want to rethink that whole breadwinner thing if you want to eat.
There was nothing more I could have offered my kids when I got locked up, they were basically raised. That is why Im ok that they are all in foster care.
Your kids were 5, 11, 11, and 12, definetly ready to support themselves and be productive members of society!
In the womb I had too much dopemine, and then when I was put on haldol at age 8-18and this made me unaware of what was going on. Iam a rare case, that made me female with male genitals.
Other than being fuck crazy, you obviously have too much free time on your hands, and one hell of an imagination.
I am going through a 2nd puberty.
Oh, is that what it is, I thought it was a mid life crisis and an identiy crisis all rolled into one.
They recently discovered a partially developed uterus attached to one of my testicles.
Oh wow, recently they found this? Like the other day? Like when you have no money and no medical coverage, and had to fraudulently file your taxes to pay for your boobies? Not when you had MRIs, and scans and all that back when you used to frequent the ER trying to figure out why your leg was turning black? Or why you constantly bled out the backside.
Iam a good parent, I just made a bad choice.
No Greg, you are a bad parent whose life is built on lies and bad choices.
I think Christopher has a sexual identity problem.
Sorry Greg Im not going to turn my 11 year old over to you so that you can have a companion in all of this.
All of my children are predisposed to being girls.
Uhm ok. Since you have 3 daughters and you think you are a girl, and like there are alot of girls on the planet? Shit must be contagious, I never would have thought!
I can help Christopher be accepted when he is ready to transition.
Hold on, I have the loony bin on the other line.
I have a genetic responsibility to be there when Christopher decides this penis thing isnt for him.
WTH are you even talking about. Genetic reponsibility, someone needs to take your dictionary away. And while we are on responsibility, Im tired of going to the Michigan sex offenders website to locate an address for you, so that I have somewhere to mail these Doctor bills that you are supposed to be paying half of.
Well Greg, glad you shared! I can sleep much better knowing you are out there on the streets.
I think you were such a failure as a man, that you were ashamed of yourself. So, in the attempt to escape the embarrassment or who and what you are, you decided to try this girl thing.
Just keep in mind that when you have failed as a woman as well, WHATCHYA GOT LEFT???
Time is precious to me, but what the hell! I let him call me last night and spill his guts.
To bring you up to speed, Greg got locked up for trying to get romanitcally involved with an undercover cop posing as a minor. He met this cop in a chat room called, "Older men for pre-teens". I wont even comment here, but really WTF?!?
So, last night I kept my mouth shut and my ears open, by frantically writing down his every word, so below is his statements, and my thoughts on each.
*My mom never loved my Dad, she stayed with him for my sake as a kid.
Uhm, why didnt she leave him after you were grown, instead of staying with him for 43 years of marriage?
*My Dad was wonderful in the public's eye, but he didnt know how to be a Dad or Husband.
No thoughts here.
In kindergarden, I know I was a girl, because I wanted patent leather Mary Janes really bad.
No thoughts here.
When I was 8 and in therapy, I stood up during a session with Dr. McQ and my Dad, and blurted out. "Im really a girl!" The doctor said, "Let's deal with that later." My Dad said, "No son of mine is going to be a girl," and he left the room.
This scenario doesnt make sense, even a little.
When I got locked up I had alot of time to think, so I decided that it was time to come out and let the world know Im a girl.
When you got locked up I could tell the only thing you were thinking about was how to make your mother and I believe you were framed.
When I went to my court ordered therapy, I asked to speak with my therapist after a session, he took me out in the hall to hear what I had to say. I told him I was supposed to be a girl. The therapist got a cheshire cat grin on his face, and said "It's about time." I knew from the first session you were supposed to be a girl." You are finally on the road to recovery!
I can guarantee that never went down. That is fucking insane, and thats all I have to say about that.
Because I am no longer a man, I dont have to be the breadwinner.
Ok, you do however have to pay child support. And since your ass is single, you may want to rethink that whole breadwinner thing if you want to eat.
There was nothing more I could have offered my kids when I got locked up, they were basically raised. That is why Im ok that they are all in foster care.
Your kids were 5, 11, 11, and 12, definetly ready to support themselves and be productive members of society!
In the womb I had too much dopemine, and then when I was put on haldol at age 8-18and this made me unaware of what was going on. Iam a rare case, that made me female with male genitals.
Other than being fuck crazy, you obviously have too much free time on your hands, and one hell of an imagination.
I am going through a 2nd puberty.
Oh, is that what it is, I thought it was a mid life crisis and an identiy crisis all rolled into one.
They recently discovered a partially developed uterus attached to one of my testicles.
Oh wow, recently they found this? Like the other day? Like when you have no money and no medical coverage, and had to fraudulently file your taxes to pay for your boobies? Not when you had MRIs, and scans and all that back when you used to frequent the ER trying to figure out why your leg was turning black? Or why you constantly bled out the backside.
Iam a good parent, I just made a bad choice.
No Greg, you are a bad parent whose life is built on lies and bad choices.
I think Christopher has a sexual identity problem.
Sorry Greg Im not going to turn my 11 year old over to you so that you can have a companion in all of this.
All of my children are predisposed to being girls.
Uhm ok. Since you have 3 daughters and you think you are a girl, and like there are alot of girls on the planet? Shit must be contagious, I never would have thought!
I can help Christopher be accepted when he is ready to transition.
Hold on, I have the loony bin on the other line.
I have a genetic responsibility to be there when Christopher decides this penis thing isnt for him.
WTH are you even talking about. Genetic reponsibility, someone needs to take your dictionary away. And while we are on responsibility, Im tired of going to the Michigan sex offenders website to locate an address for you, so that I have somewhere to mail these Doctor bills that you are supposed to be paying half of.
Well Greg, glad you shared! I can sleep much better knowing you are out there on the streets.
I think you were such a failure as a man, that you were ashamed of yourself. So, in the attempt to escape the embarrassment or who and what you are, you decided to try this girl thing.
Just keep in mind that when you have failed as a woman as well, WHATCHYA GOT LEFT???
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Loss..
Exactly one month ago today, my mother, Linda lost her battle with breast cancer. I still cant believe she is gone.
I never thought that my Mom would go before my father, and now that reality has smacked me in the face. I guess what makes it harder is that I watched her die. I saw her take her last breath, I was in the room when they disconnected the life support. (actually about 20 of us were there. I had expected it to be like in the movies, life support is disconnected and a little bald doctor with a clip board comes in and pronounces her. It didnt happen that way, I watched my mother literally fade away over the course of about 7 hours. I remember needing to get out of the room when the bald man with the clipboard never showed up. I remember busting out the double doors of the waiting are at Ross Heart, and I not being able to breath. I remember a waiting room full of people I didnt know, none of them had faces. I remember wanting to go into the bathroom and beat the wall. I remember an older lady, asking me If I had just gotten bad news, and she wanted to pray with me. I told her no thanks. I should have let her pray.
So a month later and every day is the same, I wake up, and my first thought is, "I can't believe she is gone." I "zombie" through the rest of my day, I cry a few tears in bed, I wake up and do it over again.
I keep replaying the last few months in my head. Her doctor found a lump, they did a biopsy and decided due to size it was stage 2. It had not gone to her lymph system. Her doctor recommended chemo and radiation. She sailed through chemo, and had just finished radiation, when exhaustion and a dry cough set in. Everyone told her that she was at the end of her treatments and it happens to everyone. The cough was explained away as a radiation beam probably hit you lung.
She was admitted to Galion Hopsital with a potassium level of 1.5. They told her that had to be a tainted reading, no ones is that low. They did no checks on her heart. They said she had pnueumonia, and they put her on anitbiotics. This started to send her liver readings all over the place, and after pumping her full of medicine and liquid, (she gained 40 lbs in the week she was there), they transfered her to James Cancer, because they didnt know what else to do with her. James continued to treat her for pneumonia, and about 4 days into her stay, they decided to do an heart funtion test. It was then discovered that her heart was only pumping at %10 and at that time she was transfered to Ross Heart. After about 2 weeks of testing they decided the best treatment would be to install what is called an LVAD into her heart, she was terminal, but people with the VAD go on to live normal, full lives. Sure, she would have an electrical cord coming out of her belly, and would need to be plugged into either the wall or a battery pack at all times, but she would be alive.
She came through the surgery ok, and was on the mend. I visted with her on a saturday evening. She talked, and talked. She was so happy to see us. We brought her new slippers. She had me give her a manicure, and we filled those little throw up pans they give you in the emergency room with warm soapy water so she could soak. We stayed about 3 hours, talking and laughing. The next day we had planned a little birthday celebration for My brother and I. She felt bad that we both had a birthday in April, and she was sick. The next morning my Dad called and said my Mom was really tired and we should let her rest, so we would postponed that get together to the following weekend. She had a massive stroke that night, and never regained came back to us. So, instead of a birthday celebration our family met in a funeral home and celebrated her life instead.
I miss you more than you could possibly know, Mom. I know that I will get through this!
Save me a seat!
Nichole
I never thought that my Mom would go before my father, and now that reality has smacked me in the face. I guess what makes it harder is that I watched her die. I saw her take her last breath, I was in the room when they disconnected the life support. (actually about 20 of us were there. I had expected it to be like in the movies, life support is disconnected and a little bald doctor with a clip board comes in and pronounces her. It didnt happen that way, I watched my mother literally fade away over the course of about 7 hours. I remember needing to get out of the room when the bald man with the clipboard never showed up. I remember busting out the double doors of the waiting are at Ross Heart, and I not being able to breath. I remember a waiting room full of people I didnt know, none of them had faces. I remember wanting to go into the bathroom and beat the wall. I remember an older lady, asking me If I had just gotten bad news, and she wanted to pray with me. I told her no thanks. I should have let her pray.
So a month later and every day is the same, I wake up, and my first thought is, "I can't believe she is gone." I "zombie" through the rest of my day, I cry a few tears in bed, I wake up and do it over again.
I keep replaying the last few months in my head. Her doctor found a lump, they did a biopsy and decided due to size it was stage 2. It had not gone to her lymph system. Her doctor recommended chemo and radiation. She sailed through chemo, and had just finished radiation, when exhaustion and a dry cough set in. Everyone told her that she was at the end of her treatments and it happens to everyone. The cough was explained away as a radiation beam probably hit you lung.
She was admitted to Galion Hopsital with a potassium level of 1.5. They told her that had to be a tainted reading, no ones is that low. They did no checks on her heart. They said she had pnueumonia, and they put her on anitbiotics. This started to send her liver readings all over the place, and after pumping her full of medicine and liquid, (she gained 40 lbs in the week she was there), they transfered her to James Cancer, because they didnt know what else to do with her. James continued to treat her for pneumonia, and about 4 days into her stay, they decided to do an heart funtion test. It was then discovered that her heart was only pumping at %10 and at that time she was transfered to Ross Heart. After about 2 weeks of testing they decided the best treatment would be to install what is called an LVAD into her heart, she was terminal, but people with the VAD go on to live normal, full lives. Sure, she would have an electrical cord coming out of her belly, and would need to be plugged into either the wall or a battery pack at all times, but she would be alive.
She came through the surgery ok, and was on the mend. I visted with her on a saturday evening. She talked, and talked. She was so happy to see us. We brought her new slippers. She had me give her a manicure, and we filled those little throw up pans they give you in the emergency room with warm soapy water so she could soak. We stayed about 3 hours, talking and laughing. The next day we had planned a little birthday celebration for My brother and I. She felt bad that we both had a birthday in April, and she was sick. The next morning my Dad called and said my Mom was really tired and we should let her rest, so we would postponed that get together to the following weekend. She had a massive stroke that night, and never regained came back to us. So, instead of a birthday celebration our family met in a funeral home and celebrated her life instead.
I miss you more than you could possibly know, Mom. I know that I will get through this!
Save me a seat!
Nichole
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Bangladesh & the Butt Cheek...
We all know someone or, have at least crossed paths with a "one-upper." No matter what has happened to you, something to an extreme magnitude has happened to them.
It usually happened last night. You may have had a flat tire on your way home from work last week, but last night a rabid owl, forced them off the road into a field of rose bushes, which pierced all 4 of their tires, and their spare, and now they have rosebush fever and may possibly lose their 3rd toe on their right foot, because of it.
I literally know a person that no matter what, there's is always worse than yours. And it's not just that you had a flat and they had two. It's so extreme, this person literally makes no sense.
Should I feel sorry for them, or be annoyed because they think that I am literally that dumb, as to believe them? Is something medically wrong with them, that causes them to be like that? Isn't there a pill will bring them back to reality?
It usually happened last night. You may have had a flat tire on your way home from work last week, but last night a rabid owl, forced them off the road into a field of rose bushes, which pierced all 4 of their tires, and their spare, and now they have rosebush fever and may possibly lose their 3rd toe on their right foot, because of it.
I literally know a person that no matter what, there's is always worse than yours. And it's not just that you had a flat and they had two. It's so extreme, this person literally makes no sense.
Should I feel sorry for them, or be annoyed because they think that I am literally that dumb, as to believe them? Is something medically wrong with them, that causes them to be like that? Isn't there a pill will bring them back to reality?
Forever...
I could start by saying it has been forever since Ive last had anything to share. Im not so sure what I have to share now is that important, but my fingers are itchy, so I figured Id stop by.
Here is just a quick rundown of me. I think one day I'll look back, and see what a dork I was, and laugh at all I felt needed sharing with random people.
A few things you should know about me:
I strive for balance.
I have an intense intellectual side and a juvenile sense of humor. I have more useless knowledge than most.
Im good at lots of things and bad at even more.
I think sarcasm is an art form.
I think unreasonable rules don't apply to me.
I always think that people I know all know each other.
I see order in chaos.
I know the address of nearly every house Ive lived in since birth, but I rarely know where my keys and cell phone are.
I can find anything with a GPS, but I cant find anywhere Ive ever been without it. I dont like grape.
I make up words.
I have a southern accent when Im sleppy.
I laugh at inappropriate times.
I don't go to church, but I pray everyday.
I am easily distracted, but I can read a good book cover to cover in 1 day.
Im a joiner, if you laugh, cry, yawn or vomit in front of me, Im going to join in. My bra and panties rarely match, my shoes however, always match.
I am intuative.
I support gay marriage.
I can be stubborn.
I collect tea.
Here is just a quick rundown of me. I think one day I'll look back, and see what a dork I was, and laugh at all I felt needed sharing with random people.
A few things you should know about me:
I strive for balance.
I have an intense intellectual side and a juvenile sense of humor. I have more useless knowledge than most.
Im good at lots of things and bad at even more.
I think sarcasm is an art form.
I think unreasonable rules don't apply to me.
I always think that people I know all know each other.
I see order in chaos.
I know the address of nearly every house Ive lived in since birth, but I rarely know where my keys and cell phone are.
I can find anything with a GPS, but I cant find anywhere Ive ever been without it. I dont like grape.
I make up words.
I have a southern accent when Im sleppy.
I laugh at inappropriate times.
I don't go to church, but I pray everyday.
I am easily distracted, but I can read a good book cover to cover in 1 day.
Im a joiner, if you laugh, cry, yawn or vomit in front of me, Im going to join in. My bra and panties rarely match, my shoes however, always match.
I am intuative.
I support gay marriage.
I can be stubborn.
I collect tea.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Soy Milk
I use this blog mostly to let friends and family know whats going on with me. So, I thought Id share a discussion I had with my son today.
Me: Here try this new milk.
Chris: Ok, what kind is it?
Me: Its called SILK, its vanilla soy milk.
Chris: Ok, it tastes like melted vanilla tootsie rolls.
Me: Its good, huh? Its made from soy beans.
Chris: (looking deeply troubled) How do you milk a bean?
Gosh, I love kids, and the funny stuff they say!
Me: Here try this new milk.
Chris: Ok, what kind is it?
Me: Its called SILK, its vanilla soy milk.
Chris: Ok, it tastes like melted vanilla tootsie rolls.
Me: Its good, huh? Its made from soy beans.
Chris: (looking deeply troubled) How do you milk a bean?
Gosh, I love kids, and the funny stuff they say!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Reincarnation and the Pickle
Ive never been one to wonder what I was in a past life. I'm more of a look to the future sort of gal. I'm not even sure if I believe in reincarnation, but if plastic, paper, and glass are recylcable, Id be silly to assume that the human spirit isn't as well.
Please don't email me with question on religion, for I really don't have any answers, I just know if I'm able to choose what Id like to be if I return to this earth, I wont choose king, queen, celebrity, or lottery winner. Id choose a pickle.
I'm not talking your garden variety cucumber, I'm talking about a real freakin' pickle. I want to be grown in India, harvested, sent down a pickle flume, and into a jar of delicious sweet gherkins. Then I stop to think about the life of a pickle, and I see how many different challenges they are faced with. So many things standing in the way between seed and packaging.
There is the dud seed.
Chances of drought
Flood
Poor Crop
Bugs
Being picked by a hungry human picker
There are literally dozens of scenarios that come to mind here. As I sit here and waste the energy to compose this nonsense, I wonder if my daily stresses have finally gotten the better of me, of if I just really, really, want to ride in a pickle flume.
Maybe Ill hit Schlitterbahn in the next decade or so, and see if maybe this whole pickle thing can be laid to rest there!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
10 food stuffs I cant live without...
10. Country Bob's All Purpose Sauce (what is better than everything sauce?)
9. Kona Deep Bottled Water (Who doesnt love 3.00 bottled water?)
8. Havana Cola's Mojito Soda (All the taste, none of the tipsy-ness)
7. Pim's (Pims are delicious chocolate cookies with jams inside)
6. Bergenost (semi-soft cheese with a mild,flavor and a subtle hint of sourness)
5. Room temperature Pepsi, to wash down day old pizza with
4. Watermelon Anything
3. Cinnamon Icecream drizzled with honey
2. Dried Cherries
1. Yogurt (anything with yogurt is better, and now its in everything, YEAH!)
9. Kona Deep Bottled Water (Who doesnt love 3.00 bottled water?)
8. Havana Cola's Mojito Soda (All the taste, none of the tipsy-ness)
7. Pim's (Pims are delicious chocolate cookies with jams inside)
6. Bergenost (semi-soft cheese with a mild,flavor and a subtle hint of sourness)
5. Room temperature Pepsi, to wash down day old pizza with
4. Watermelon Anything
3. Cinnamon Icecream drizzled with honey
2. Dried Cherries
1. Yogurt (anything with yogurt is better, and now its in everything, YEAH!)
Thursday, November 13, 2008
From Flab to Fab... WTF?!?
I know we all surf the net, and if you are like me, pay little attention to advertisement banners. Usually what happens to me is, I click away from a page the second something catches my eye, and hit the back button, only to find that the ad I was interested in has been replaced by a dancing alien that doles out auto insurance quotes.
Here is a banner I came across last night, while doing my best to be unproductive.
Apparently the woman on the left lost 12 lbs of melanin. Not only does she sport a "trimmer" waist line, she apparently changed races.
Here is a banner I came across last night, while doing my best to be unproductive.
Apparently the woman on the left lost 12 lbs of melanin. Not only does she sport a "trimmer" waist line, she apparently changed races.
Friday, October 31, 2008
How to Get Away With Murder.
Murder is wrong. Murder is bad. Don't Murder!
However, if you don't take my advice, and you must take someones life, here are some simple things you should avoid.
10. Don't take your hair brush to the murder and leave it there.
9. Dont buy Duct Tape, Tarp, Rope, and an Area Rug alone on one receipt and pay with your Visa Card.
8. Should you not be able to overcome your desire for convenience and one stop shopping, PAY CASH.
7. Throw away the damn receipt. Don't leave it on your kitchen table when the cops come aknockin.
6. Dont use your garbage bags. They can patern match that stuff, you idiot! Buy a new box of Heftys, throw leftovers away. Not at your house.
5. Dont bury your spouse in your basement, throw the jackhammered old basement floor on your friends property, and claim you were framed.
4. Don't bury or leave someones remains on property that belongs to you. Especially if said victim is a relative.
3. Dont put wierd orange carpet in your house that was only sold to you and one other tasteless person on the entire planet. Should you not be able to resist orange carpet, take a lint brush to your victim, before leaving them to decompose.
2. Wear gloves. Dispose of gloves. Don't leave one behind, or reuse them for yard work.
1. And the NUMBER 1, dont do it is: Dont wear the same Nike's you murdered someone in to your police interview. Cops notice this sort of thing. Should that be your only pair of shoes, be advised, you will either leave the cop shop shoeless, if you leave at all.
Ill leave you with one random thought. Why dont murderers wear Addidas, or Pumas? Why is Nike the shoe of choice?
However, if you don't take my advice, and you must take someones life, here are some simple things you should avoid.
10. Don't take your hair brush to the murder and leave it there.
9. Dont buy Duct Tape, Tarp, Rope, and an Area Rug alone on one receipt and pay with your Visa Card.
8. Should you not be able to overcome your desire for convenience and one stop shopping, PAY CASH.
7. Throw away the damn receipt. Don't leave it on your kitchen table when the cops come aknockin.
6. Dont use your garbage bags. They can patern match that stuff, you idiot! Buy a new box of Heftys, throw leftovers away. Not at your house.
5. Dont bury your spouse in your basement, throw the jackhammered old basement floor on your friends property, and claim you were framed.
4. Don't bury or leave someones remains on property that belongs to you. Especially if said victim is a relative.
3. Dont put wierd orange carpet in your house that was only sold to you and one other tasteless person on the entire planet. Should you not be able to resist orange carpet, take a lint brush to your victim, before leaving them to decompose.
2. Wear gloves. Dispose of gloves. Don't leave one behind, or reuse them for yard work.
1. And the NUMBER 1, dont do it is: Dont wear the same Nike's you murdered someone in to your police interview. Cops notice this sort of thing. Should that be your only pair of shoes, be advised, you will either leave the cop shop shoeless, if you leave at all.
Ill leave you with one random thought. Why dont murderers wear Addidas, or Pumas? Why is Nike the shoe of choice?
True Crime
Ive found myself recently consumed by true crime shows. Cold case files, The New Detectives, and the such. This has been a sort of on again / off again love affair with me. So, its wormed its way back into my affections enough to be included in my blog.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Things that make me angry
1: Hamburger Helper: They are absolutely terrible. What exactly do they help?
2: Wine Descriptions: No wine ever tastes like it sounds. If it did, it would say, Rotten fruit, with hints of rubbing alcohol, and hamster bedding.
3: People who stop to have conversations in the entrance/exit to a place you are trying to enter or exit.
4: Cashiers who harass you to open a charge card and save 10%.
5: Candy apples that are only pretending to be candy apples. They are actually caramel apples who have dyed their caramel red in an attempt to fool you.
6: People who stand behind you and curse loudly when there are kids around.
7: Running late, and its not my fault.
9: When the shampoo pumpy gets clogged and shoots shampoo at the wall when you push it down.
10. Shampoo stuck on the wall.
11. When you do your laundry at a laundry mat and come home with underwear you dont recognize.
12. People who make weird noises in the bathroom.
13. When neighbor kids knock at your door, but you dont answer because your kid isnt home, and they proceed to knock on windows, other doors, and eventually revert to sceaming through your air conditioner.
14. Looking for things that Ive lost.
2: Wine Descriptions: No wine ever tastes like it sounds. If it did, it would say, Rotten fruit, with hints of rubbing alcohol, and hamster bedding.
3: People who stop to have conversations in the entrance/exit to a place you are trying to enter or exit.
4: Cashiers who harass you to open a charge card and save 10%.
5: Candy apples that are only pretending to be candy apples. They are actually caramel apples who have dyed their caramel red in an attempt to fool you.
6: People who stand behind you and curse loudly when there are kids around.
7: Running late, and its not my fault.
9: When the shampoo pumpy gets clogged and shoots shampoo at the wall when you push it down.
10. Shampoo stuck on the wall.
11. When you do your laundry at a laundry mat and come home with underwear you dont recognize.
12. People who make weird noises in the bathroom.
13. When neighbor kids knock at your door, but you dont answer because your kid isnt home, and they proceed to knock on windows, other doors, and eventually revert to sceaming through your air conditioner.
14. Looking for things that Ive lost.
WTF!!!!
So, a few months ago, I get a call at work. My ex-husband has some news to share with me. Honestly had it not been for my son, I would have washed my hands of this person long ago. The meaning of DIVORCE!
So, he calls to tell me that his is changing his name. "Ok, so you have to register as a sex offender for the next 20 years, I can see why you would want to do that,"I think. Then he tells me he is changing it to: SARA ELISE. "Ok, so you have always liked the name Sara, and yeah, its odd, but whatever." Then he starts to blurt out things that have my mind going all over the place.
Here are a few lines from his mouth, and my accompanying thoughts:
Greg: Im getting boobs in May 09. What size are yours again? Im going to be a 52 DDD.
Nichole: OMG your going to look like a barrel with boobies!
Greg: Im not gay. Society will see as a lesbian.
Nichole: No, society will see you as a man in a dress. And Im guessing you wanted to sleep with the lesbians you live with, and they only sleep with women, and you said, Ill do anything!
Greg: Im starting to look exactly like my mom. Im serious, you soon wont be able to tell us apart.
Nichole: I can see that, she is 5'1 125 lbs, you are 5'10 325+ lbs, yeah, I can see how I might be confused.
Greg: Im not sure Im if Im going to get the family jewels turned inside out or not. Its so expensive in the states.
Nichole: I hear you can go to Trinidad, and trade in your schmekel for a VALUE VAGINA for less than 50% of what they charge in the states.
Greg: I know you saw this coming. I always had feminine qualities, you must have noticed.
Nichole: Uh, no. I cant think of one feminine thing you ever did or said. Ok, Ok, the one time you asked me if I ever had sex to music, and I said no. You said you had made love to Barry White, I wondered if you meant actually him personally, or he serenaded you and someone else.
Greg: I no longer want our son to call me Daddy. Since now he will have 2 mommys, Id like him to call me Maddy. Its a combination of the two, Catchy, huh?
Nichole: You have to be fucking kidding me. Im sure our 9 year old will be more than thrilled by this whole midlife crisis your going through.
To show you how thrilled he would be, let me detail you a conversation my son and I had the other day.
SON: I know daddy is being weird, but I was wondering something. If my Dad died today, would you cry?
Nichole: Gee son, I doubt it. Would you cry if he died today?
SON: It depends on what he is wearing.
All I can think of his how FUN parenting is going to be for the next 11 or so years! YEAH!
So, he calls to tell me that his is changing his name. "Ok, so you have to register as a sex offender for the next 20 years, I can see why you would want to do that,"I think. Then he tells me he is changing it to: SARA ELISE. "Ok, so you have always liked the name Sara, and yeah, its odd, but whatever." Then he starts to blurt out things that have my mind going all over the place.
Here are a few lines from his mouth, and my accompanying thoughts:
Greg: Im getting boobs in May 09. What size are yours again? Im going to be a 52 DDD.
Nichole: OMG your going to look like a barrel with boobies!
Greg: Im not gay. Society will see as a lesbian.
Nichole: No, society will see you as a man in a dress. And Im guessing you wanted to sleep with the lesbians you live with, and they only sleep with women, and you said, Ill do anything!
Greg: Im starting to look exactly like my mom. Im serious, you soon wont be able to tell us apart.
Nichole: I can see that, she is 5'1 125 lbs, you are 5'10 325+ lbs, yeah, I can see how I might be confused.
Greg: Im not sure Im if Im going to get the family jewels turned inside out or not. Its so expensive in the states.
Nichole: I hear you can go to Trinidad, and trade in your schmekel for a VALUE VAGINA for less than 50% of what they charge in the states.
Greg: I know you saw this coming. I always had feminine qualities, you must have noticed.
Nichole: Uh, no. I cant think of one feminine thing you ever did or said. Ok, Ok, the one time you asked me if I ever had sex to music, and I said no. You said you had made love to Barry White, I wondered if you meant actually him personally, or he serenaded you and someone else.
Greg: I no longer want our son to call me Daddy. Since now he will have 2 mommys, Id like him to call me Maddy. Its a combination of the two, Catchy, huh?
Nichole: You have to be fucking kidding me. Im sure our 9 year old will be more than thrilled by this whole midlife crisis your going through.
To show you how thrilled he would be, let me detail you a conversation my son and I had the other day.
SON: I know daddy is being weird, but I was wondering something. If my Dad died today, would you cry?
Nichole: Gee son, I doubt it. Would you cry if he died today?
SON: It depends on what he is wearing.
All I can think of his how FUN parenting is going to be for the next 11 or so years! YEAH!
Long time No Blog...
Yeah, Yeah. I know it's been ages. I keep thinking I have tons of stuff to blog about, then I get sidetracked, and honestly I havent been in the mood. This used to be a place to run to when I needed an outlet. Well, Im in need, so here goes.
Monday, May 12, 2008
OHIO HB 545, and why Im torn...
An article in the Dayton Business Journal states that Ohio House Bill 545:
would cap annual percentage rates on payday loans at 28 percent, extend the repayment period to 31 days from 14 days and cut the maximum loan amount to $500 from $800. Representatives of the state’s 1,638 payday lending shops have said the House measures would kill the industry, particularly with the percentage rate caps. Payday lenders can charge up to $15 per $100 loaned over a 14-day period, which converts to an annualized 391 percent. Instituting a rate ceiling at a fraction of the current maximum, as H.B. 545 and two other bills have proposed, would cap fees at a few dollars per $100.
In a nutshell, I am out a job, albeit a stressful, low paying job, its a job nonetheless.
Here is my beef with HB 545.
What right does anyone have to tell us how to manage our finances? Sure payday loaning can be a "death-trap" if one doesn't use it responsibly, but so can credit cards and overdraft protection.
My bank once bounced a check for .06. That's 6 cents, my bank sent a check back to a grocery store for 6 cents. That's 28.00 for the NSF fee, 30.00 for the grocery store NSF fee. So it cost me 58.00 because I was .06 short in my checking account. I am sorry, but 15.00 fee to borrow 100.00 for a two week period makes much more sense than 58.00 for .06!
Ive been looking online for people's opinions on Ohio HB 545. Some people are totally against it, others are completely for it. I personally believe that some regulations could be put in place to educate consumers on how to use a payday advance responsibly. I don't feel that Ohio has the right to put 6,000 people into the unemployment lines because they don't agree with an APR that doesn't even apply to loan that one takes out for two weeks.
would cap annual percentage rates on payday loans at 28 percent, extend the repayment period to 31 days from 14 days and cut the maximum loan amount to $500 from $800. Representatives of the state’s 1,638 payday lending shops have said the House measures would kill the industry, particularly with the percentage rate caps. Payday lenders can charge up to $15 per $100 loaned over a 14-day period, which converts to an annualized 391 percent. Instituting a rate ceiling at a fraction of the current maximum, as H.B. 545 and two other bills have proposed, would cap fees at a few dollars per $100.
In a nutshell, I am out a job, albeit a stressful, low paying job, its a job nonetheless.
Here is my beef with HB 545.
What right does anyone have to tell us how to manage our finances? Sure payday loaning can be a "death-trap" if one doesn't use it responsibly, but so can credit cards and overdraft protection.
My bank once bounced a check for .06. That's 6 cents, my bank sent a check back to a grocery store for 6 cents. That's 28.00 for the NSF fee, 30.00 for the grocery store NSF fee. So it cost me 58.00 because I was .06 short in my checking account. I am sorry, but 15.00 fee to borrow 100.00 for a two week period makes much more sense than 58.00 for .06!
Ive been looking online for people's opinions on Ohio HB 545. Some people are totally against it, others are completely for it. I personally believe that some regulations could be put in place to educate consumers on how to use a payday advance responsibly. I don't feel that Ohio has the right to put 6,000 people into the unemployment lines because they don't agree with an APR that doesn't even apply to loan that one takes out for two weeks.
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